The spirit of Christmas is in the air. Christmas never fails to bring to mind the divine words “Peace on earth and good will towards men.” So, on this Christmas Day, while we exchange good wishes and entertain visions of a better future for us and for everyone else, we solemnly dedicate ourselves to do whatever is in our power for the realization of “peace on earth and good will towards men.”  Within a few days our entire members and moderators of Friendster.ch will be at their families, love ones and friends to spend the holidays.

I offer you our sincerest wishes for a most enjoyable holiday and our warmest and kindest congratulations. May the years which lie ahead brings you deep satisfaction and happiness in your accomplishments. A Merry Christmas to you and to those near and dear to you all.

 

Birthday greetings bring us cheer and happiness. They remind us of who we are and what we want to be. They also remind us that we are blessed to have so many loving people around us. Here are some beautiful birthday greetings.

• Pierre Cornielle
  The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.
• Helen Hayes
  Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
• Robert Browning
  Grow old along with me!
  The best is yet to be.
• Anonymous
  Born on Monday,
  Fair in face;
  Born on Tuesday,
  Full of God's grace;
  Born on Wednesday,
  Sour and sad;
  Born on Thursday,
  Merry and glad;
  Born on Friday,
  Worthily given;
  Born on Saturday,
  Work hard for your living;
  Born on Sunday,
  You will never know want.
• Margaret Mitchell
  After all, tomorrow is another day.
• Queen Elizabeth
  All my possessions for one moment of time.
• Carl Sandburg
  Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.
• Ethel Barrymore
  You grow up the day you have your first real laugh yourself.
• Edward Steichen
  Every ten years a man should give himself a good kick in the pants.
• Frank Sinatra
  May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
• Jonathan Swift
  May you live all the days of your life!
• William Butler Yeats
  From our birthday, until we die,
  Is but the winking of an eye.
• Lewis Carroll
  There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents and only one for birthday presents, you know.
• Anonymous
  A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
• Anonymous
  This card is filled with wishes
  For a very special day,
  One that brings a world of joy
  And happiness your way-
  It's also filled with loving thoughts
  Especially meant for you,
  For you're the kind of person
  Happy things should happen to!
• Anonymous
  Hope it adds
  Some special pleasure
  To the hours of your day
  To know you're being thought of
  In the very warmest way...
  And when your birthday's over,
  Hope that you'll remember, too,
  The same warm thoughts as always
  Will keep going out to you!
• Emily Dickinson
  We turn not older with years but newer every day.
• Frank Lloyd Wright
  Youth is a circumstance you can't do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old.
• Billy Mills
  Your life is a gift from the Creator. Your gift back to the Creator is what you do with your life.
• Bishop Richard Cumberland
  It is better to wear out than to rust out.

 

 

 

 

Have you ever heard of a paradigm shift? 

A paradigm shift is when you force your mind to look at a situation in a different way.
Instead of looking at a potential problem, you could be looking at a potential solution, or window of opportunity.

We all react to situations in different ways. In our mind we choose to react to situations.
You can choose to react in a positive way or a negative way. It is all up to you.

How do you decide which way to look at a situation? That is up to you to decide.
You can only get out of life, that what you put in it. Love is an action verb. That means that if you want to be loved, you have to show love.

You are where are in life because it is where your thoughts have lead you to. You can only go in life where you thoughts lead you.

Where do you want to be in life? Okay, start going that way. It is just as easy, but it might take some hard work.

Let your mind take you where you want to go. Do you want to be in love? Do you want to love? When your heart is set for love and really desire love, then be in love. It's that easy! Act and feel everyday how much love is a part of you, then let it show and happen. Soak it in, to be in love is a very amazing feeling. You can tell by looking at a women just walking down the street whether she is in love.

Love makes your life different everyday, you look at life with such open eyes and heart.

Try it. Wake up tomorrow morning and say to yourself! I am in love, I desire love, love desires me. And let yourself act and feel freely all day and see how much better your day is, see how much better your husband responds to you. If you act as you are in a high school puppy love romance daily then the response you will get from your husband will be quite a surprise.

I love being in love, I love the look of love on my husband/wife and the way it feels.

 

The misunderstanding of the intent and purpose of marriage is the primary reason that divorce continues to touch families across the world. I often hear people say that things like divorce are apart of life. However, I beg to differ; the breaking of a covenant before God is not apart of life, it is the result of pride, an inability to clearly establish roles, and just an overall misinterpretation of basic wedding vows and Biblical instructions on marriage. The cure to a better marriage… a longer marriage, begins with the understanding that marriage is a ministry of service and fulfillment

                     

PRIDE AND ROLES

            The Bible says that “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall,” many marriages fail because either one or both parties refuse to reach a compromise on certain issues. This happens because the service part of marriage is lost in the “what about how I feel” moments. An issue arises and the people that once pledged their lives to each other suddenly find themselves unwilling to reason together. Most disagreements in marriage happen over preference.  One spouse is raised this way and the other is raised or taught another way and both parties feel that what they know is what matters most. However, what both parties fail to consider at this point, is that marriage is the moment when two become one. It is the union of two people and in that it is the union of two mindsets.  Pride prevents compromise and a refusal to compromise in a marriage kills the promise of a marriage.

            Establishing roles in a marriage is difficult, because most people only know what they DON'T want from their spouses. This leads to misunderstandings and feelings of un-appreciation which are some of the main reasons marriages fail or infidelity occurs. Understanding the role you play in your spouse’s life takes, prayer, patience and observation. In a marriage you must be willing to learn, which requires an ability to take criticism and the patience to work towards change. Sometimes we need to watch our spouses and learn to understand how they deal with tragedy and triumph. This way we will know how to pray for them, encourage them and show them with our words and actions; that we support them through the best and worst of times.
 
            Every ministry depends on the couple’s ability to successfully balance individuality and unity, because both are required for success. Also, there must be realistic expectations, for example (keyword being example…this is ONLY a scenario) a husband can’t demand that his wife play the role of mother and keeper of the home while also working a full-time job, it’s simply not fair. The husband must understand that wife’s decision to support him as he works to fulfill the role of provider, by working herself; means that he must support her in her role has the keeper of the home. In the same way, a wife can’t demand that her husband provide for her and then complain that he is not home enough or doesn’t do enough around the house. The wife must understand that the way to get what she wants around the house may require her to support her husband; in his role as provider outside of it. The point of the example is that yes there are roles, but in order for those roles to be successfully filled, it may take some understanding and flexibility on both sides. Teamwork and balance in a marriage prevent stress and feelings of neglect.
 

THE VOWS

              To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
 
            “To have and to hold from this day forward,” the main premise here is that husbands and wives are to be a refuge for another. In ministry you must consider the heart of those you seek to bless and encourage with your efforts. In marriage spouses must be willing and ready to sympathize and empathize with one another. If you’ve been through a bad experience and your spouse ends up facing a similar situation, use your experience to teach and encourage them to press through and be sure to let them know that you understand. If you haven’t been through whatever it is they’re going through, then let them see that you’re trying to understand. The best way to gain a person’s (man or woman) confidence is to let them know that their feelings and ideas matter. Often times, spouses don’t take the time to appreciate the thoughts and ideas of one another and because of that they fail to see the blessings that they have in each other.
 
           “For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,” many couples struggle with the “for worse” and “poorer” part of marriage, because they fail to understand that there is no for better without the worse and there is no richer without the poorer. The “for worse” moments in marriage are like storms that soften the earth allowing a tree’s roots to grow deeper and stronger.  A tough time strengthen love and builds the trust that is necessary to endure in a marriage.

 

            I won’t state the obvious about the richer or poorer of part, instead, I will focus on its spiritual implications; those who are rich in spirit should invest in the poor in spirit because the return is great. For example, I have a degree and I am working on my masters, my wife has just started school and is a bit discouraged about her decision to start so late. However, I encourage and help her because I know that the more she succeeds the more confident she will become and the more confident that she becomes the stronger WE will be. I also had to help her realize that without her words of strength on those days that I was poor in spirit, I probably would have quit school. Her sowing into my life with her words made it possible for her to have the help she needs, from someone who loves her and has been where’s she is going as far her education is concerned.

 

 

“To love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part,” the Bible tells us in I Corinthians 4:5-7 that  “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” In marriage love must be a daily action of forgiveness, understanding, and willingness to understand the spouse that we are in covenant with.  

 

The key to cherishing our spouses, is knowing what makes them feel appreciated, for some it’s flowers, for others a romantic dinner, or a simple “I appreciate what you do for me.” Often times, attempts to show appreciation go awry, because spouses want to show it (appreciation) the way they think it should be shown; instead of learning and doing what they KNOW their spouses like. 
 
 

THE BIBLE

 
Ephesians 5:22-25 – 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
 
 1 Peter 3: 1, 7 1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. 7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
 
            There are many scriptures in the bible that talk about marriage, but I have chosen to highlight these few verses. “Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” I think this is one of the most powerful scriptures in the bible. I often hear many women balk at the idea of submitting to their husbands, but I think it’s because they haven’t taken the time to consider what “husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church” actually means. Christ gave before he received, he was the first to submit by coming to restore us in the flesh, he was the first to show humility by tolerating man, he was the first to acknowledge man as the weaker vessel, by praying for those that crucified him, He was the first to refuse handling misunderstandings in anger, by refusing to call on an army of angels to come to his aid, instead he hung, bled and willingly died on the cross; because, he loved the church just that much and then after all of that he asked that we follow Him.

 

 If husbands are to love like this (no fellas…you don’t have to hang, bleed and die on a cross for your lady....just keep reading!), they must be the first to submit (tell her where your going when you leave, because you want her to do the same), the first to reason (try to listen before you respond because you want her to do the same), the first to handle things in peace (don’t react in anger, take your time and consider her feelings about the situation because you want her to do the same). Then on top of that husbands must acknowledge their wives as the weaker vessels, (note: acknowledge them as the weaker vessels, is much different from saying they are) this scripture is simply suggesting that husbands be the bigger person, in difficult situations, because as priests of their homes they must bring balance, because unbalance leads to division, which leads promotes the double minded thinking that hinders prayers.
 
            Wives submit! (On a personal note, I love to look around in church when I hear those two words, the reaction is ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS priceless.) The scripture tells wives that they must submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and win them over with their actions. I often hear women say things like “I will submit when he does what he is supposed to do,” well if he’s not doing what he is supposed to do then it might be a good idea to use your actions to win him over. The reason being is that men are captivated by women (it’s the reason why Adam ate the fruit without question….but that’s another topic...lol). Your husband is more likely to learn from what you do as opposed to what you say. So submitting, means giving your husband the space to be the man that you married, to grow and learn as a man without someone there to highlight every mistake, to trust him enough to lead the family and provide him with the encouragement he needs to succeed.

            It is assumed that women marry a man that reciprocates their love for him. If you trusted him enough to marry him, then trust him enough to lead your home. Pray that God leads him in his decision making, be his refuge not his enemy. Promote his growth spiritually and personally with words of wisdom spoken in love. Also, understand that nothing can hurt a man more than hurtful and discouraging words or actions from the woman he loves. You are his rib and the ribs of a man are there to protect his heart, guard it with prayer, love and compassion.

 

THE VISION AND PURPOSE
 
              The ministry of marriage is a ministry of service and fulfillment; God intended for it to be a replica of Christ’s relationship with man. Christ came to serve and sacrifice himself so that none of those he loved would be lost and he used his life to bring hope through the fulfillment of many promises, it is his desire that your marriage does the same.

 

 

 

 

 

The one who loves you will not make you cry alone at night thinking about him/her. They will be right beside you telling you it will be alright.

My life has taught me one vital thing and that is: I came into this world alone. I shall leave it alone. And, if I have to live in it alone, so be it! I contend to live it in peace with myself.

Kisses are not promises.

Let go of what is gone and hold on to what you have.

You cannot change anybody but yourself so don't try to change your partner. Love him/her as he/she is. You'll get better results.

Love is action; not just a feeling.

Be happy that you are friends rather than cry because that's all you'll ever be?

A real man doesn't make love to a million women. A real man makes love to one women a million ways.

Immature love says "I love you because I need you". Mature love says "I need you because I love you".

The way to love anything is to realize it can be lost.

If you want to be successful in life, be a wise. If you want to be successful in love, be foolish.

Some people are like crystal. Pretty to look at, but you can see right through them.

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Remember: Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

They say forgive and forget, but if someone is worth forgiving then you'll never forget them.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

Love is accepting, not expecting.

You think you look strong because you can hold on, but strength lies in letting go.

Love is like growing --it's hard to feel, sometimes, and even harder to see, but when you look back on it, you realize how far you've come.

It isn't what happens in your life that matters most, it is what your heart does with it, who it shares it with and what together they learn from it.

In all your remembering, remember that you have choices.

Though many people will go in and out of your heart only one will want to stay there. If you bulid a heart full of holes, think how much easier it is to hang on.

 

Good Day to All Moderators & Members of Friendster.ch, I am posting this message to encourage you all to participate in each group created here in Friendster.ch, I know that some of you are already bored browsing  and updating your profile, tired of exchanging winks and kisses, etc. To be more active here in Friendster.ch you need to share your ideas, successful stories happen into your life, your learned lesson about relationship, friendship and love. You have your choices which group you are more active to participate.  

Friendster.ch is more on networking and communication relationship buildings. A couple of networking sites that deliver a number of features and encourages association of “friendships” is Friendster.ch while free to join both other advanced membership and benefits.

Hundreds if not thousands of different groups created here in Friendster.ch, We can trade information and opportunities here and around the world. Friendster.ch is social networking which hundreds are joining at different times of the day and night to make connections, building relationship by electronic means to delivers some very unique opportunities to demonstrate their knowledge, expertise as well as “ show off” your products and services. You can build credibility and increase your awareness of your business here in Friendster.ch of which you can post your ads.

Demonstrating your knowledge, sharing your information and generally just building relationship is still in vogue. In many cases just building a solid connection and personal friendship will deliver big dividends over the long term connections can be a great source of support and testimony of your honest and worthy intentions. Trust and support will build your working database with “friends” of “friends” to boost your meaningful relationships.

But don’t forget respecting those differences are important! Do have permission to approach them? People hate spam, permission to contacts is important.

Blogs will broaden your broadcasting as will online groups, a well know and massive offering is by Friendster.ch is a quick way to communicate with a lot of people usually with common interests.

Think about it…? Friendster.ch Groups where everyone can share ideas and keep in touch. Relationship Marketing builds an online friendship.

Hold your best leads…

 

 “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.’” (Genesis 1:28)

Surely having children is a blessing and a joy. Yet this passage from Genesis tells us that we are to have them, not just for our own delight, but also to assist in the renewal of God Creation.

We are gifted with children, rather than entitled to them.

But the question here is – Are You Good Enough Parent…?

We all know what a bad parent looks like: intolerant, constantly critical, more interested in their own affairs (in both senses of the word) than in the needs of their children. But what does it take to be a good parent? What does it take to give your children the very best start to life that you possibly can?

As a parent, can do to be more than just a "good enough" parent. Can you, indeed, be a "super parent", even the "ultimate" parent? Or is that just a myth of the feminist movement?

Well, let's get one thing straight once and for all: No one is perfect. Try as you might, you will never be a "perfect" parent. You will never get it right every moment of every day for every year of your children's growing lives. Nor do you need to. In that sense, the concept of "good enough" is very true. You do not need to be perfect. Your kids WILL survive. "Good enough" is good enough

But, I suspect that you probably want more for your kids than just average. I strongly believe that there are things you can do, and attitudes you can adopt, that will give your children the very best start to life they could possibly have.

And, at the same time, will actually make life easier and more fulfilling for yourself too. It is not a long list, but if you can manage the following, then I believe you have every right to call yourself the "ultimate" parent:

 You cannot do everything, you cannot be everywhere and you cannot know everything. You will make mistakes. You also have your own issues, problems and hang-ups from your own past. That is all okay. The key to this game is not being perfect, but having the right attitude.

What is the right attitude? Being humble. Recognizing that you have much to learn (we all do) and being willing to be teachable and to learn from your mistakes.

A sign of genuine maturity is being able to look back at your past, recognize the mistakes you made, and say "this is what I have learnt about myself, and what I need to work on changing in myself".

But there is a flip side to this. Constantly putting yourself down with an "I'm no good" attitude is just as bad as the "I have nothing to learn" attitude. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Celebrate your successes. Look back to the past only long enough to learn from it, then set your sights forward, and press on in the directions YOU want to go. If you have any serious issues from the past, be brave enough to seek help and get over them.

We have all heard of them: the kids from the most abusive, deprived backgrounds who somehow manage to make huge successes of themselves. And the kids from the very best of families (as demonstrated by their siblings) who somehow go off the rails into drugs and crime.

The reality is that you, the parent, are only one factor in your children's upbringing. They are also subject to influence from the friends, other relatives, teachers, shop keepers, TV, magazines and, of course, their own genetic makeup.

You cannot control all the variables. You might be the very best, the ultimate parent, and yet your kids turn out as failures. You might be the very worst, alcoholic and abusive parent, and yet your kids do fine. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

So you play the percentages. You know that if you beat your kids, they are more likely to turn out bad than good. So, on average, beating your kids is probably not a good idea. Using fair and consistent discipline probably produces better odds for a successful outcome, so do that instead.

You success as a parent is NOT determined by how well your children turn out. It IS determined by whether you did all you reasonably could to do the right things and make the right decisions for them, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAD AT THE TIME. Maybe those decisions turn out to be the wrong ones. So be it. That does not mean you failed as a parent.

But, if you were too lazy to get the facts, if you just took the easiest decision without thinking about the impact on your children, then, I believe, you have failed, even if it turns out that the decision was the right one!

In this day and age we seem to be obsessed with the idea that the interests of the children come first, before anything else. I strongly disagree with that concept. Yes, me must consider the best interests of the child, but there are other things to consider too.

It may be, for instance, that taking a new job in a different city might be the best thing for your family, even if it means taking your child away from his school and friends.

By putting children first in everything we run the danger of creating a selfish, "me first" generation where they grow up believing that the world owes them a living.

Sometimes children have to take second place, and that in itself is an important lesson about life. Yes, before making any decision consider its impact on the children. But, in the end, make up your own mind as to what would be best for the family as a whole.

Raising children is a long drawn, out process. Have your long-term goals in mind. How do you want them to turn out as adults? What qualities and skills do they need to learn? What experiences do they need, along the way, to learn those skills and character traits?

Many times as parents we are faced with the choice of taking an easy, short-term quick fix, or a harder approach that will bear much more fruit in the long term. The TV is such a classic example of this.

How easy is it, when the kids are playing up, to just switch on the TV as the electronic babysitter? A quick fix for the immediate hassle or rowdy kids. But how much better, in the long run, to spend a bit of time teaching them how to build a model, or sew a soft toy, or put together a jigsaw?

Call me a Luddite, if you will, but if you really want to be the ultimate parent I believe the very best thing you could do would be to sell the TV! Go out to the cinema as a family, instead. Or go around to your friends or relatives to watch a movie together as an "event". But don't just have the TV on for hours every day.

Why? Because of the old saying "garbage in, garbage out". Is the stuff on TV really what you want your kids to be absorbing and learning? Do you really want them to depend on passive entertainment? Is it not better that they learn how to entertain themselves?

Like you, your children will make mistakes. Forgive them. Correct them gently and move on. Always be looking for what they did right, not what they did wrong. Children crave their parents' attention.

Pay attention to what they do wrong, and they will do more of it. Pay attention to what they do right, and they will be eager to please your more. Besides, it is just so much more fun to be in reward mode than punishment mode.

Finding yourself stuck in punishment mode? Then go back to Key 1, recognize you need to change something, and have the humility to go and get a good book, or seek help, so that you can find the way out.

Believe in yourself. If you are doing all the above, then you are well on the right track. There will be times when you make decisions and you get challenged on them, either by your children, or by others (such as interfering relatives).

Unless there genuinely are new facts that you weren't aware of before, don't be swayed. And don't be afraid to say no, to your children and your relatives, if that is the right thing to say. Sure, your decision may turn out to be a bad one. That happens. Hindsight is 20-20. But far better to stick to your decision, than to be a plastic bag blowing about in the breeze.

Your children are watching you; watching how you deal with life, how you make decisions, how you cope with adversity, how you believe in yourself and stand up for yourself and your family. Be a good example for them.

Surely, having children to replenish the earth and bring us joy is a good and delightful end. Yet we have obligations as God's stewards to do so in ways that we believe are safe and in numbers that will allow us to care for them appropriately. Children are not mere instruments for the fulfillment of our desires, but ends in themselves whom we are to cherish and care for as God's creatures in light of our capabilities and circumstances.

 

 

 

As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change… I will always keep falling in love with you.

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many couples experience dormant growth phases during their relationship, leaving one, if not both partners with a need for greater input, emotionally and/or physically.

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who de will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.

The process of emotional growth is both independent, and uncomfortable. To ideally maintain and promote harmony, each partner must be willing to flex with the growth needs of the other, while also contributing to the growth of the relationship.

A long-lasting relationship is founded on compassion, respect, and genuine love for your partner. These qualities can – and should – be frequently expressed in a number of ways, to reaffirm the value of the relationship. Continuously seeking to re-invent the relationship by expressing appreciation for your partner will solidify the connection between you.

It’s so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it’s not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it in our hands.

To nudge your relationship out of the proverbial emotional drought,

Realities check your partner before doing anything to encourage the relationship, ask yourself if your partner is good for you, and why. Know the basic answers like the back of your hand. If you find yourself unable or unwilling to admit value in your partner, you may be in the wrong relationship.

Acknowledge the uniqueness of the relationship through your partner. There is potential in every moment to experience the greatest point of your relationship.

Showing appreciation for your partner’s uniqueness further defines the relationship based on a broader attraction. Communicate the acknowledgement of individuality of your partner frequently, both emotionally and physically.

Make love right now! Allow the sexual aspect of your relationship to evolve into an activity of ultimate fulfillment, reserved only for your partner. Instead of making love for your satisfaction, make love for your partner, and allow them to do the same for you.

Be friends, too… Would you be friends with your partner, outside of the relationship? If you find the answer is “no,” don’t worry – there’s always time to make new friends. Identify activities you and your partner can do and enjoy together. Participate in a third-party project, such as charity work. Activities beyond intimacy will broaden, and therefore strengthen, the foundation of your relationship.

Be what you want to see. Demand no more out of your partner than what you are willing to make out of life yourself. If you are capable of great things – and you are – then get to work. Be certain to test all seemingly realistic requirements on yourself, before seeking to ask them of your partner.

Form a pact to achieve excellence in some way. Whether it be a physical health regimen, a bowling tournament, doing the taxes, or managing a business together, forming a pact to achieve excellence in a specific, tangible way will build trust between partners. Commitment to a short-term goal is the best exercise a relationship can get.

Love with your whole heart. All too many times, past relationships keep us from loving with our whole heart. If your relationship reality check is solid, ask yourself how you’ve been holding back on your partner, and why. Do you expect criticism, instead of acceptance? Recognize the boundaries of your love, and identify positive ways to expand them daily.

Improving yourself improves the relationship. Self enrichment is an effective, important means of perpetual contribution to your relationship.

Expanding your personal knowledge and interests will keep conversations interesting and generate new ideas for growing together, through new activities and experiences shared between partners. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with taking care of you. The more you have to give, the more there will be to share with your significant other.

Explore diversity in faith, culture, or politics. Diversity – and its acceptance – serves as a cornerstone of any fulfilling, long-lasting relationship. Your partner is likely to embrace at least some perspectives different than your own with regard to religion, culture, or political affiliation. Look to explore your partner’s diversity, and openly accept the differences that make you both unique.

Don’t go to bed mad. Make it a point to resolve differences before going to bed. Allowing arguments or heated discussions to fester overnight can solidify emotions, while leaving the real issues behind. In addition to promoting communication and relationship stability, addressing differences before bed reduces stress and promotes better sleep.

A meaningful, fulfilling relationship is perhaps the greatest investment you can make in both yourself, and your partner. As your relationship grows, look for new ways to interact with each other as you haven’t before.

Each human represents a vast Universe of knowledge and emotion waiting for exploration by just one individual with the unwavering desire, patience, and capacity to know them.

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what’s left of your heart that they feel the same.

 

Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is interrelated structure of reality.

 In the early days of love it all seems so bliss filled and romantic – and it feels it will last forever. We settled down, get married, have children and …. Where did the magic go!?

There’s so much to do, the errands never end, the house always need work, our children are challenging and your love seems to have slipped away.

Or has it?

 We wish we felt more connected. We wish it was more like it was in the beginning when we couldn’t get enough of being together. And perhaps we feel overburdened and lonely doing the chores and making a living and taking care of our children and…

 It’s enough I need freedom!?

 Okay…

Do you think this is the resolution to the problem?

Well, please be kind to yourself, your partner, and your relationship and check to see if you both feel the same way. Chances are you do.

The Prophet has been quoted often through the years, but they keep their wisdom and meaning: “...let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”
He continues by saying, “...And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Now we were on the verge of freedom. Married 8 years, with a constant verbal battles ending in what therapists call emotional disengagement – meaning that we simply ignored each other for days on end.

Emotionally, we were simmering inside and also lonely for each other, but we were unable to reach out and communicate these feelings. We were in a “cold war” with both waiting for the other to make the first move to melt the icy atmosphere.

We know that almost couples fight; what often separates the master of marriage form the “disasters” of marriage is the ability to repair the subsequent damage.

Acquiring good repair skills gives the couple a way to recover from the mistakes they may have made. These skills provide a fix for the damage caused in attempting to communicate to each other in a way that caused emotional hurt to one or both of us.

It is common for partners to make relationship mistakes – after all anyone can have a bad day, be under much stress or just use poor judgment in dealing with a situation.

Although you have said you need freedom to be yourself as free as the birds in the sky. Saying words like… it’s enough I need to move on… I’m almost tied-up with the situation like a prisoner… I’m not doing anything… I’m only with my colleagues/office mates after work.

Good to know these feelings once in awhile so that we know where we are.

Although we are emotionally disengaging from each other or staying angry, try to fix it if you are the offender.  And if you are the receiver of the damage, your challenge is to find a way to accept your partners repair attempt that is, to see your partner’s repair attempt as an effort to make this better.

Apologize: A simple sincere and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship, especially if your partner sees you as a person who never admits they are wrong or at fault.

Confide Feelings: Be honest and share the feelings that are underneath the anger such as fear, embarrassment, or insecurity. Your partner may respond to you quite differently if they see those other emotions, instead of just anger.

Confiding what is in your heart and in your mind can make a huge difference in promoting understanding, closeness, and intimacy.

Acknowledge Partner’s Point of View: This doesn’t mean you have to agree with it; just acknowledging it can decrease tension and conflict because it shows your partner you are at least listening to them. It also demonstrates empathy the ability to see things from their vantage point instead of only yours.

Accept Some of the Responsibility for the Conflict: Very few conflicts are 100% the fault of either partner. Instead, most conflicts are like a dance with both of you making moves to contribute to the problem. Inability to accept any responsibility is a sign of defensiveness rather than the openness required for good communication.

Find Common Ground: Focus on the issue at hand and what you have in common rather than your differences. For instance, you might both agree that raising healthy children is a common goal even though you differ in parenting styles.

Commit to Improve Behavior: I’m sorry doesn’t cut it if you continually repeat the offensive behavior. Backup words with action. Show concrete evidence that you will try to change.

Marriage is a covenant that only GOD can separate the union of husband and wife.

So now, are you ready to discuss freedom without regrets?

It’s good to have money/friends and the things that money can buy, but it’s good too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost your love one’s that money can’t buy.

 

Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody's heart.

A smile happens in a flash, but its memory can last a lifetime.

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.

Smiling makes you feel better about yourself, even if you don't feel like it. And it always makes other people think better of you.

A smile is a light in the window of a face that signifies the heart is at home and waiting.

Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to.

Peace begins with a smile.

Every tear has a smile behind it.

Keep a smile on your face and let your personality be your autograph.

No matter how small, a SMILE on your face tells all.

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.

Smiles are unbreakable- -and mend broken hearts.

Smiles are great investments: the more you collect, the better you feel.

Be multilingual; smiles are the universal language.

A laugh is a smile that bursts.

A smile is just a frown upside-down.

A smile is as nice to give, as it is to receive.

Most smiles start with another smile...

Though Smile cannot erase our burden, but it sure does make us feel lighter...

Just smile.

 

One of the most notable blocks we all share is the way we have been trained to attach to the stories of our lives to define us and to explain why we have the problems we have.

Have you ever found yourself able to thoroughly explain the reason why you have a problem in terms of your personal history but not be able to be free of the problem? It can be disheartening to discover that freedom cannot be found in the reasoned explanation of our personal history.

I wonder if this form of thinking was so prevalent before Freud and the subsequent development of psychology and therapy. Apparently we have missed something if successful explanation doesn't yield freedom.

My offering to you for your contemplation is to look elsewhere for your freedom from fear, stress, and distress. Look to your view of life -- your most influential belief about the nature of life and your place in it, and to your intention for your life -- your deepest abiding intention that affects every choice you make. These three elements determine the contents of your life's operating manual.

Before we begin a journey, we need to understand where we are and what our intention is. It is important to recognize that all beings want to have happiness and avoid suffering, and that all beings are subject to birth and death, regardless of differences in their personal history.

Contemplating and appreciating this simple fact can reduce our sense of fear and alienation as we see that we are essentially the same and are in the same boat. Having these simple insights as our background awareness can prevent us from getting too absorbed in melodrama in our daily life as if our daily life was happening in isolation, and as if it was eternal.

Instead, with this background awareness, our struggles and disappointments remind us that our struggles are not uniquely ours, but that we are experiencing the shared struggles of embodiment with all beings. This awareness reduces anxiety because we don't so easily take disappointments personally. We see them as part of the human experience, not as our own unique flaw.

Are there habitual ways in which you have considered yourself uniquely flawed? What happens if you reinterpret these "flaws" as just part of the human experience shared by everyone, and KNOWN by everyone -- that is, not unique and not hidden or requiring hiding?

These "flaws" don't diminish your value, or your right to exist, or your right to full self-appreciation. They don't diminish the friendliness of the universe towards you, or your rightful access to abundance either.

I invite you to take an inventory of the things that are holding you back. Evaluate to what degree these things seem "big" in your life because you have in your background awareness the belief that your are uniquely flawed and must hide your flaws. Release that belief, or any belief that isolates you from the awareness that you are participating in a shared human experience that is fragile and temporary.

Experience how having a background awareness of shared experience, with all its fragility and temporariness fully taken to heart, changes your state and possibly your priorities. Add to this a respectful new self-conception that includes respect for everyone else and a desire for all to be free from suffering and to realize self-love. Practicing these attitudes will open the floodgates of happiness in your life.

 

Have you ever wondered what your life is all about? Why you are here? What you are supposed to be doing with your life? Who you really are? The answer to these questions lives in your purpose. And we all have one - a purpose in life, and a unique one. To the degree that we know what our purpose is and direct our energy toward living and expressing it in what we think, say and do and in who we are, to that degree we will be fulfilled and live fully with deep meaning and joy.

Imagine waking up in the morning eager for the day, ready to take it on, saying, "Yes,” as you get out of bed, "this is my life and I love it. I love this day.” If you're not already waking up this way, it is possible. It's possible if you get clear about your purpose and live it.

If you don't yet know what your unique purpose is, you can begin with a universal purpose such as to add value to life and to experience and spread more love, joy and aliveness. Simply focusing on any one aspect of it such as experiencing and expressing more joy in your life will begin to turn your life around and transform how you get out of bed in the morning. And you'll be able to look back at the end of the day and say to yourself, "This was a good day!”

Our unique purpose incorporates using our natural talents and gifts to fulfill a universal purpose in a way that speaks to each of us personally, that is compelling and alive for us. It will be unique because we each are.

First, be assured that you have a purpose - you're here for a reason. The nature of the universe is that every living thing is created for a purpose that serves the greater good that contributes to life in its continuing growth and expansion. Your purpose has to do with "being” and "doing” for yourself and others. With this in mind, the most important, and practical, part of all of this is to have one, today.

Discovering your life purpose can be really simple. The simplest way for now is to decide what your purpose is. Right now; choose a really good one, one that deeply moves you, that makes you light up and that is compelling. It might be something like to love and be loved, to develop my natural gifts and talents to the max, to make a difference to everyone I come in contact with, no matter how small, to only speak the truth, to do what I love and support others to do what they love… It can be as simple as "joy.”

Stop reading now for just a few moments, keeping in mind the essence of what "purpose” is. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Ask yourself, "What is my purpose?” And smile as you allow an answer to your question to arise, or as you decide on a purpose. Open your eyes congratulate yourself and repeat your purpose silently or out loud. Then write it down. Congratulations!

I suggest you write down the purpose you chose or your purpose as you know it today, and look at it every morning. Write it down as a positive statement beginning with "My purpose is…” and filling in yours. Remind yourself of it during the day by repeating it silently or out loud. You could, of course, sing it, or dance it, or write it on your bathroom mirror. It's most important that you keep it alive - it will exponentially return the favor.

There are other ways to explore your own unique purpose. The start you've just made - you have made one haven't you - will begin to create a synergy that will help you to grow and evolve your purpose over time. For now, you have a way to live on purpose each day. So "Live on Purpose!”

 

 

"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again” - Clint Eastwood.

We all experience relationship problems at some time in our lives. Conflicts can arise between spouse, children, parents, friends, co-workers, employees and bosses.

Most of us assume that relationships should just work. Many people think that humans are naturally loving, caring and committed. That's not necessarily true.

Much of our relationship stress comes from conscious, or unconscious, efforts to change or control other people. You want others to behave in certain ways and when they don't you become angry and resentful.

The more you try to change them, the more they resist, and the worse the relationship becomes. We can be very critical and judgmental of other people.

These are all patterns to look out for. However, it's much easier to see this in other people but not in yourself. Watch carefully and try to observe, objectively, how you behave.

Lack of an established network of family and friends makes you more prone to stress. People who are isolated or live alone are unable to talk about their feelings to others.

We know that older people who maintain relationships with their adult children suffer from less stress.

Cope with emotional stress

Loneliness is a common and challenging form of stress. The isolation can sometimes cause you to feel rejected and depressed. But the stress from loneliness can be challenged when you reach out to other people, face-to-face, over the telephone or in writing.

People who are less emotionally stable or have high anxiety levels tend to experience events as more stressful than others do. They tend to have an exaggerated negative response to stress.

Hostile people and anger can be very stressful and even dangerous to the heart, for those with heart disease. Suppressed anger, irritability and hostility causes narrowing of the arteries, which is a major factor in heart disease.

It's often the case that you get sick or injure yourself when you are recovering from a difficult situation or emotionally trying event. You manage to stay focused throughout the crisis, and when the relaxation response kicks-in, you find you pull a muscle in your back or you get a migraine.

These are the results of emotional stress. It can result from closing the door on a relationship, learning to live alone again, or major life changes such as bereavement.

There are ways of managing emotional stress. Firstly, acknowledge that you are suffering from stress. And then try different stress management techniques, such as massage, aromatherapy and a chiropractor.

Also, for emotional stress, good diet, exercise, adequate rest, and a positive mental outlook, are all helpful.

 

Ask yourself if you have anything to worry about right now? Are you anxious at this moment? Not tomorrow, not an hour ago, now. No, I didn't think you were. You have just had a taste of being present. If you want to learn how to eliminate stress from your life, to have better relationships with others and most of all, a greater connectedness with yourself…learning to focus on the present is a powerful technique to do so. When I first heard the expression being present, I didn't know what it meant? But I have discovered since then, that it is one of most powerful destressors you can ever use. It simply means that you give your full attention to the situation or person in front of you right now.

If you ever slow down and check your thought processes you will notice that you probably spend vast amounts of time brooding on the past and maybe even more speculating about the future. This all means that you are not paying attention to the very task or person in front of you that needs to be attended to. If you are obsessed with the past or wondering about the future it is very easy to miss the opportunity, the delight and joy that is right in front of you. Speculation can cause great mental suffering. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, I've been through some terrible things in my life….some of which actually happened.

In fact, if you watch your own thought processes, it's interesting to observe how we can rapidly concoct a whole saga from random incidents. Next time you try on a garment in a shop and it doesn't fit, watch how your thought processes can rapidly move from "it doesn't fit” to "I'm fat and ugly” to "No one will ever love me” in the space of milliseconds and the suffering that causes you.

Being present doesn't mean that you stop wanting to achieve and be ambitious. But it does mean that you enjoy the journey as much as the destination and because you are giving high quality, focused attention to the tasks and people around you moment by moment it means that your path will be a smoother one. Begin by paying attention to small everyday tasks; washing your hands, driving. Slowly you will find that this habit of paying attention will take root in other areas of your life and will be a powerful change agent.

Five ways to be present:

Pay attention to what your five senses are telling you now…what do you hear, smell?

Ask yourself…what is the one thing I have to do now?

Check in with yourself. What am I feeling right now?

Ask yourself, what would I do if this moment was exactly what I needed?

What am I thinking right now…simply observing what you are thinking can be an eye-opener!

 

Benefits of being present:

Seeing the world and the people around you with fresh unbiased eyes.

Increased quality of work as you focus exclusively on the task in front of you.

Improved relationships with the people around you. Few things are more attractive than a person who is truly present.

Elimination of the "when x happens, then I'll be happy ” mindset. Greater enjoyment and gratitude for what you currently have.

Greater awareness of current opportunities.

 

 

Have you ever watched children walk along a curb, or along the railway ties lining the local playground? They walk with their arms straight out, placing one foot in front of the other, as they teeter from side-to-side. They have to stay focused in order to keep their balance. As adults, we also need to focus on balance in our lives or we may end up falling off - not off a curb or a railway tie, but off our path in life.

I know what you are thinking: "Who has time to think about balance? I have enough to think about. I have to work, clean the house, do laundry, be a good friend, volunteer at church, parent my children, and find time for my marriage." I understand. However, I would like to encourage you to take a few minutes to read this article - and maybe to reflect on what balance would look like for you.

Personally, I need a little from all areas of my life. It is important for me to exercise and watch what I eat, and it is also important for me to have fun and express my creativity. My career as a life coach is my passion, and I am also passionate about spending time with my family. My church nourishes my spirit; spending time with my husband every day nourishes our marriage.

Finding balance in life is different for everyone. Some of us want to slow life down a little and lighten our load. Others may love the fast-paced lifestyle of the "Energizer Bunny," as they go-go-go. It is important for each of us to think about how we want to spend our lives and about what is most important to us as individuals. If you find yourself driven by circumstances and not exercising your power of choice, you are probably living "out of balance". For instance, how often to you hear yourself say, "I can't, I have to, or I need to…?" Are you giving up your right to choose? Do you insist on doing things a certain way without ever asking why or looking for a better way?

Balance in our lives enables us to make choices that are right for us - for the right reasons. We learn to say "no" to things we don't want to do. Or to change our attitude about those things that really must be done. We become willing to look honestly at what is not working in our lives. For some, it may be as simple as handing over household chores to a housekeeper in order to pursue a hobby. Others may find that seeking out a biking partner helps motivate them to exercise. Keeping balance may require saying no to a child's extracurricular activity to make time for a family night. Trying out new ideas one at a time can help each of us achieve the balance and fulfillment that may be missing from our lives.

It is important to remember that balance is a process and is constantly changing, just as our lives are constantly changing. Balance is not some static goal that we achieve and then move on. We achieve balance in the moment, understanding that in the next moment everything may change.

Look at the balance in your life over time. If life seems smooth and fulfilling, you are probably on the right track. If, however, your road through life seems bumpy and you are often unhappy, making changes to help you move towards

 

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this person is the right one, that we aren’t repeating mistakes of the past, and that we will finally receive the love, support, companionship and admiration we’ve been waiting for. Each person has a shopping list of hopes, expectations and secret demands he/she makes of their partner and their relationship. When these wishes are fulfilled, then they say they are happy.

This kind of approach to relationships usually brings disappointment. It fails to understand the important difference between happiness and joy, (or contentment).

To begin, happiness is always fleeting. It comes and goes. It has to. Just as night and day alter, happiness too fluctuates. Happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, when our boyfriend finally pops the questions these are moments of happiness. These moments are lovely - we cherish them in memory. The only wrong with this kind of happiness is when we depend upon them to feel good.

Joy is different. It doesn’t come and go. It doesn’t depend upon outer circumstances. When things are difficult, when our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy arises from within, not without. It is an attitude of mind that can be developed and nurtured. It represents the growth of the individual from a child to an adult, willing to take responsibility for the way they choose to respond. Joy is not a knee jerk reaction. It a positive decision we make about ourselves and others.

In a sense joy is a practice. It is not necessarily an emotion. Joy, being constant, is deeper than emotion; it is an orientation towards life and towards the people in your relationships. It is built upon actions, it is a way of being with oneself and others, no matter what happens. There are steps we can take and can practice daily, which allow joy to be present. Joy is a decision we make each day.

In order to find joy in our lives and our relationships, certain things have to be developed and others to be relinquished. A famous saying describes this beautifully, it says, “When we are children we play with toys. When we grow up, we want the real thing.” The real thing is joy, not happiness. Here are two, easy, beginning steps you can take, (and continue to practice), to find joy in your relationships.

l) Give Up Blaming The Other Person.

As time goes by it is very easy to find many things disappointing and wrong with the person you are with in a relationship. When we are upset, we attribute it to their behavior, something they’ve said or done wrong, or something they haven’t done that we feel they should have. This is putting our well being in the hands of another. It is one of the most significant ways we destroy our own peace of mind and also undermine the other person. Realize that each person has the right to be who they are at this moment. No one made you their judge and jury. If you are upset or unhappy with their behavior, that is your response, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with them. You are creating your own unhappiness by blaming and disapproving of them. Give it up. Just observe their behavior. Get to know them. Watch how they live their lives and what their patterns are. This does not mean you have to join them, stay in the relationship or get into a dance with them. In fact, this may be the wrong person for you, but give up feeling they have disappointed you. They were not put on this earth to please you. They were put on this earth to be who they are, to change, grow and find wisdom. Say to yourself, this person has a right to be who they are, and I have a right to be who I am as well. They are not harming me by being who they are. This is their life they are leading. I have not been put on this earth to fix them. In truth, it is your own expectations which are causing you upset.. When we do not put heavy expectations on the other, but are willing to simply discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily.

2) Learn The Art Of True Giving

There is a huge difference between really giving to another, and giving so you can get something back in return. When we give in order to get something back, (and secretly wait for it and demand it), this is nothing more than manipulation, and it quickly kills our joy. Joy is based upon true giving. When we learn to give truly, it is almost impossible to be upset or sad. The giving itself is its own return.

True giving means, giving with no strings attached. It means giving something to the person that they need or would like, (not something that pleases you). In this form of giving, we take time to really know the person, and become willing to meet their needs. Some fear to give, feeling that they will be drained or stripped bare. The opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. We have a sense of fullness and kindness, which is the basis for the development of joy.

There are many things that can be given besides physical objects. Many people need time, attention, acknowledgment, the chance to be right about something. Make a list of all the things you can give another. Also make a list of the things you’d like someone to give you. In this way you’ll start to become more sensitive to what a person is really needing, and how best to give it, so they can receive it easily.

Practice giving freely. Do it in little steps at first. Let the car behind you pass you, let the person go first at the check out counter. Give someone a hand with their bags, open the door for someone at a building. Practice being there for another. The more you do it, the more your joy will grow.

 

 

Although our educational system in the Philippines is the best in the world, I am amazed by what we don't learn in school. Our entire educational system, from kindergarten through graduate school, either ignores or is unaware of a critical success factor in our lives—the right mental attitude.

Just how important is attitude? A study by different Universities revealed that 85% of the reasons for success, accomplishments, promotions, etc. were because of our attitudes, and only 15% because of our technical expertise. Yet, not only in the school systems, but as a society, we seem to have this reversed.

Attitudes do make the difference. Professor Erwin Schell writes that "when our attitude is right, our abilities reach a maximum of effectiveness, and good results inevitably follow.” And we see this time and time again. Salesmen with the right attitudes out perform their "attitude-challenged” colleagues. Students with great attitudes get good grades, and enjoy the educational process. Right attitudes make all the difference when dealing with people, including our spouses, children, parents, friends, and co-workers. Attitudes help us to win in every situation in life.

So, what can we do to improve our attitudes? Let's starts by improving our enthusiasm. Enthusiasm, or lack of it, shows through in everything we do and say. And our "right attitude” is directly proportional to our level of enthusiasm.

Here are a few ideas for improving your enthusiasm, and your attitude:

1. Lift yourself up a notch. Lift up your smiles, your eyes, and your talk. Instead of "plodding” through the day, make it a point to be a little more upbeat.

2. Build people up. Talk about good news with your friends and family. Encourage your children and others around you. Be helpful. Offer praise as often as you can. Ask yourself after you've interacted with someone: "Does that person honestly feel better because he has talked with me?” Make sure the answer is "Yes!”

3. Make people feel important. Improve your listening skills, and be truly interested in what others have to say. Our interest sends the message that what they have to say is important.

4. Practice appreciation. Compliments are easy to give, and easy not to give. While most of us are quick to recognize and praise big accomplishments, the little things are even more important. Develop of habit of noticing, and commenting on, appearance, routine tasks that have been completed, ideas and efforts. Be grateful, and express that to others.

As you become more enthusiastic, you will notice two things. One is the change in your attitude, and the other is the change in others. Attitude is contagious, so we must choose carefully the people we are around, and also be conscious of how our own attitude is affecting those around us. Be a positive role model with a great, enthusiastic attitude, and this will profoundly affect not only your own success and well being, but others' as well.

 

Living your life as an empowered person often requires the placement of boundaries – invisible “lines” across which you will not allow people or events to infringe upon your time or resources. 

When you have clear inner boundaries in place, you know where you stand and you’re able to make decisions that support and nurture you. These decisions may include refusing extra obligations that you do not have the time or desire to fulfill, keeping a greater distance between you and people who tend to drain your energy, or insisting that others respect your personal time.

A disempowered person will usually find it difficult to set boundaries because they don’t feel that they have the right to do so, or the strength to stand firm in their decisions. Does that describe you? 

If so, read on for some simple and painless ways to set firmer boundaries in your life: 

1. First, understand that you have the right to set boundaries.

This can be difficult if you struggle with low self-esteem or self-confidence. You might hesitate to set boundaries because you’re afraid that people won’t like you, or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings by refusing their requests for help. However, more often than not your own feelings will be hurt if you don’t set boundaries! You’ll find yourself agreeing to do things you really don’t want to do or don’t have time to do, and you’ll run yourself ragged trying to please everyone. Setting boundaries involves learning to love and respect yourself, and your time and resources. 

Get into the habit of affirming your own value and worth, and strengthen your belief that you deserve to live a calmer, more peaceful life. Be committed to caring for yourself first, and then helping others as time allows. Remind yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about not saving the world – do what you can and feel good about it. 

2. Build up your courage. 

Learning to say “no” can be scary, but it’s important to believe that you have the strength and confidence to stand firm in your decisions. One good way to become more courageous is to understand that nothing bad will happen if you refuse extra obligations or favors that someone asks of you. Will they be disappointed? Probably. Will they stop speaking to you or get angry with you? Probably not. Except in extreme circumstances, most often the person will simply move on and ask someone else for help. 

If you do happen to receive a strong negative reaction when saying no, ask yourself if it really matters to you? That may sound harsh, but you have to eventually realize that it’s not your job to make life easier for others – especially when doing so makes life more difficult for you! A person who gets angry about your unwillingness to help is probably a person who has gotten comfortable using you as a doormat. In those cases it’s best to nip the problem in the bud before it takes over your life. 

3. Be firm, but nice. 

One of the reasons you may hesitate to say no is because you think it will make you look “bitchy” or selfish – but that can be avoided by finding a pleasant way to say it. Rather than saying brusquely, “No, I won’t help you with this,” you could say apologetically, “I’m really sorry, but I just can’t do it at this time. Maybe another time?” The majority of people will understand and not be upset. However, if you do receive resistance, that is the time to become more firm in your answers.  

One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is learning to be firm with yourself! You may be tempted to overextend yourself to help others, even when you know it wouldn’t be in your best interests. When that temptation arises, you’ll have to be able to override your desire to please and do what you know is best for yourself.

 

 

The ability to develop relationships with others through small talk is an acquired skill. It is critical to learn how to connect and build rapport with others in order to successful in the business world. When you are comfortable speaking with others in different situations it will be easier to get ahead.

To master the art of small talk it is important to attempt to say hello first. Approach the other person with a smile, make eye contact and offer a firm handshake. Take your time during this introduction period to make sure you hear the person’s name, remember it and use it frequently throughout the conversation.

The next step in effective small talk is a sincere opening line. This line should let the other person know that you are interested in having a conversation with them. A compliment, if genuine, can be a terrific way to start a conversation. Other ice breakers may be bringing up a current event or a comment about the event that you both are at. No matter which opening line you choose to use make sure you come across confident and positive.

Initiating the conversation is a good start but the most important part of small talk is keeping the conversation alive. Your goal should not be to monopolize the dialogue but to participate in it. This means asking relevant questions and listening attentively to the answers. Experts suggest that you should spend 80 percent of your networking time listening rather than talking. After listening, you should elaborate with your own comments and perhaps ask another question. Make sure your questions are light and open-ended. Do not act like interrogator.

There are certain topics that you should avoid in order for small talk to be productive. Don’t talk about personal matters such as your health or sex life. Also, try to stay away from controversial or topics or subjects that may make others feel uncomfortable.

Body language is also important during small talk. Make sure you are not giving off the impression that you are uncomfortable, this can make others uneasy and less likely to engage in a conversation. In addition, maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. Avoid glancing around the room it is rude and distracting.

If you are joining a conversation that is already in progress do so conservatively. This means observe and listen for a while before jumping in. This will allow you to get a feel for the dynamics of the discussion before contributing to it.

Just as important as the conversation itself, how you end small talk is equally important. Have a few graceful exit lines prepared ahead of time so you can depart smoothly. You should ask permission to excuse yourself, and if you are talking to someone with status you may even mention that you do not want to monopolize all of his or her time. You should end the conversation with a handshake and a smile to leave a good final impression.

After the meeting or event has ended do not disregard the information that you have gathered, even if it seems trivial. You may want to jot down a few notes or start a binder for business cards. This will help you when your paths cross with this contact again. Having some important tidbits from a previous conversation will help break the ice the next time around.

Talking casually with others may not seem very significant at first but it can help insure that your networking attempts are successful. Learning how to do it effectively is a critical step in socializing and developing relationships for business.

 

 

 

Some people believe that achieving happiness is the purpose of life, yet the pursuit of happiness often leads to unhappiness. This is because happiness is actually a consequence of a different life purpose - the pursuit of evolving our souls in our ability to love ourselves and others.

 

 

Material things are not important, and while our jobs provide the means, the important things in life are the people who touched our lives.

 

1. I feel "Now" is the right time for me to see improvement in my life.
   
2. I am fully able, willing and ready to learn and grow, and do the work it takes to make the changes that I want to see.
   
3. I am willing to see and tell the truth.
   
4. I am willing to raise my personal standards, and to set and achieve much bigger goals.
   
5. I realize I am responsible for my own future.

 

 

 

 

 

1. apologize
2. forgive
3. let it go

1. Be willing to apologize for whatever involvement or contribution you may have had in the misunderstandings.
2. Be willing to forgive others who likewise discover their own mistakes and want to make amends.
3. Be willing to "let it go”. That means, by definition, that it is a moot point and will not be dredged up again as a source of contention. You must totally abandon the feelings you felt and "move on”.

 

 

 

 

• Drink plenty of water.
• Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
• Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
• Live with 3 E’s – Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
• Make time for quiet introspection. (some call it prayer).
• Play more games.
• Read more books that you did in 2008.
• Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
• Sleep for 7 hours.
• Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day – and while you walk, smile.

• Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
• Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
• Don’t overdo; keep your limits.
• Don’t take yourself so seriously; no one else does.
• Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
• Dream more while you are awake.
• Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
• Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
• Life is to short to waste time hating anyone…Don’t hate others.
• Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
• No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
• Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
• Smile and laugh more.
• You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

 

Community:

 

• Call your family often.
• Each day give something good to others.
• Forgive everyone for everything.
• Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
• Try to make at least three people smile each day.
• What other people think of you is none of your business.
• Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

• Do the right things.
• Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
• However good or bag a situation is, it will be change.
• Time heals most things.
• No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
• The best is yet to come.
• Be thankful everyday that you wake up.
• You inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Surround yourself with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages following a separation, it is to become your course of action when you realize that love is the key to your control of self and to the door that is opening toward your new reality. Love is what brought you into your relationship and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.

This decision to love must first take effect with reference to yourself and to the person from whom you are separating. You must love yourself for those qualities which brought you into the realm of that other person: your willingness to give of yourself and to take the risk of being hurt. And to love the other person in spite of the pain you are feeling is to allow that person the same freedom you will both need in order to move on. Love is a force that renews us and prepares us for tomorrow. Hatred is a shackle that keeps us tied to the past. Drop the shackles!

The one from whom you have separated will not soon be forgotten, though great distances may separate the two of you. Give the memory of that person the chance to help you by insisting on remembering the beautiful experiences that united you. The painful ones which separated you will need no coaxing from the memory. Turn your anger into love. Take the qualities you found in the other person and develop them in yourself, use them as a way of better experiencing your love for all the others who are important in your life. After all, those were qualities which brought you into love and they are no less worthy today.

Love has no guilt and no boundaries. In fact, it has no definition. Yes, it is the force which takes us out of ourselves so that we may share ourselves with others. Yet it is also the force that leads us into ourselves, so that we may understand and prepare ourselves for the act of giving. You cannot resolve the bitterness and pain of the separation you are experiencing by continuing to dwell on these feelings. Come alive with the force which is the essence of life itself. You are leaving one relationship, one stop in your journey. There is still a path before you. Walk in love.

 

(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffers support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)- plain things you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and....
(Z)aps you back to reality!!!

Difficult coworkers interfering with your ability to perform? Some tips to cope.

No matter how well-intentioned the management and stringent the criteria are for employee selection and retention, chances are that in one job or another you have worked with or will have to work with difficult coworkers. Some are chronically difficult and others are difficult as a result of a specific temporal problem they are encountering. Either way, their attitude and behaviors affect you and you are left wondering how to deal with and defuse the situation.

Recognize that a problem exists

There are many types of difficult coworkers. Whether it is cold-shoulder treatment you consistently get from a coworker or constant whining, gossiping, arrogance, rudeness, hostility, shirking of responsibility, bullying, misappropriation of credit and blame, or other aggressive behaviors, the first step in dealing with the problem of a difficult coworker is to acknowledge that it exists.

Analyze your reactions

Before allocating blame and pointing the accusatory finger at a seemingly difficult coworker examine your own feelings, motivations and reactions and make sure that the problem is not your own inflexibility, intolerance or overreaction to the situation. Perhaps you experience similar problems with other coworkers; perhaps your past experiences have obstructed your ability to deal fairly with a certain character type. It may be that you need to brush up on your own interpersonal skills and be fewer judges mental and prone to jump to conclusions or misinterpret a situation.

Recognize that you have choices in dealing with the situation.

You can chose to either confront or ignore a negative coworker and if you do chose to confront there are many ways to do so to affect a positive outcome. If the problem coworker is not interfering with or affecting your well-being and the outcome of your work and you sincerely believe you can live with the situation, then you can chose to ignore the problem and see it as an opportunity for self-development and growth. If on the other hand, your productivity or ability to do your job are being affected and the negative atmosphere is draining your energy, stressing and burning you out, you can take the bull by the horns and confront the situation in a diplomatic, well-planned, well-rehearsed and professional manner. Letting negativity simmer just below the surface unaddressed indefinitely will eventually impact both your performance and the perception of your work attitudes by others.

Celebrate the differences

A large part of the success of the modern corporation is derived from the diversity of its workforce and the tremendous synergies that arise from working functionally in teams composed of people with divergent skills, talents and backgrounds. This however also means that you will be forced to work on many occasions with people with very different agendas, styles and attitudes to yours. Learn to accept and celebrate the differences. Remember that the good of the organization is your ultimate goal and you need to work synergistically to achieve that.

Try to understand a difficult coworker's perspective

Open-mindedness is the key in conflict resolution. Try to understand what perspective a difficult coworker is coming from and what objectives and motivations are influencing their behaviors. Recognize that some employees may have permanent schizoid tendencies towards all people while others may be experiencing temporary character flaws due to a myriad of factors. The latter may include job insecurity, an excessive workload, and dissatisfaction with working conditions or management, feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, lack of clarity about their own role, general professional ineptitude or even personal or family problems at home. Try to understand their view of the world as viewed from their very own unique 'mountain top' in order to better anticipate and respond to their difficult behaviors.

Adopt a positive mind frame

In order to defuse a conflict you must have a positive, optimistic attitude and the confidence to accept that the situation can be resolved be it through learning to accommodate the difficult coworker, negotiating with the coworker to achieve a compromise for one or both parties, or collaborating with them to effect a positive resolution where all parties win and are happy. Have faith that the negativity need not drag on indefinitely and that both parties can learn to work together peacefully, if not completely collaboratively.

Define the difficult behavior

Clarify the problem by defining precisely the behaviors that bother you from the difficult coworker. Write them down and include specific examples. Then determine which you can try to change and which you will chose to ignore.

Define the desired outcome

Once you have dissected the problem and analyzed precisely what the behaviors of the difficult coworker are that you would like to change, you can decide what positive outcomes you would like to affect and construct a specific game plan for achieving them. Make sure the goals you set are measurable, specific and realistic.

Anticipate the obstacles

Beyond having a clear set of goals for a confrontation, you must be able to anticipate and arm yourself against all the obstacles that may block your path. Make sure you are well prepared for any response, objection or negative reaction from the difficult coworker and that you have the stamina, tact and courage to stay your course until your desired outcome is achieved.

Stay calm and collected

Distance yourself emotionally from the problem and stay calm, collected and in control at all times. Don't get defensive or let negative feelings fester or boil over the top. Maintain your peace and objectivity by asking yourself what learning is to be had from the situation and latching on to the positive aspects of the relationship versus the negative at all times. If there are no positive aspects to the relationship concentrate on the positive outcome you wish to achieve. Practice deep breathing and visualization techniques whenever you feel the resentment growing and fear loss of control. The more calm and collected you are the more rational will be your approach to tackling the issue and the more likely you are to win the difficult coworker's trust, confidence and respect.

Be tactful but direct

Once you chose to confront a difficult coworker, make sure you give well-rehearsed, constructive criticism and that you deliver it in a calm, polite, tactful, diplomatic and non-threatening manner. Keep your voice low and select your words carefully. State your points of contention clearly, directly and unambiguously and give concrete examples to support them. Do not harshly criticize or humiliate a coworker or make accusatory remarks. Remember, the goal of the confrontation is to find solutions and alleviate the negative atmosphere not feed them.

Have your discussion face-to-face

Make sure that when you do decide to confront a difficult coworker, you do so face-to-face and not over the phone, by memo or by e-mail. You are much more likely to understand each other and come to a healthy resolution if you can watch and monitor each other's body language and communicate in a free, spontaneous and unhampered fashion.

Listen actively

Many a volatile situation has been defused by the simple art of active listening. Learn to ask questions, give and receive feedback and actively and intently listen to the difficult coworker as they expound on their frustrations, their view of the world and why they act the way they do. Allow them to vent their feelings and frustrations before you explore means to clear the air and improve the atmosphere between you. Oftentimes, just the feeling of being listened to objectively and understood may win their confidence, alleviate any harsh feelings they may harbor towards you and generally ease the situation.

Maintain a healthy perspective

In the heat of the moment, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that negative actions or attitudes may have been wholly unintended. Coworkers cannot read your mind and unless you make a conscious effort to let them know exactly what behaviors or attitudes are bothering you, they may well not have any idea of the trouble that is brewing just below the surface and the pain they are causing. It is very helpful to bear in mind that inadvertently offensive behaviors may not have been designed to be so and are in all likelihood not targeted at you personally. Remind yourself at all times that the difficult coworker's hostility, rudeness or other unacceptable character flaws are not about you but about their own conditioning, experiences and view of the world.

Avoid guerrilla tactics

Don't engage in negative behaviors with the aim of exacting revenge or outdoing the negative coworker at their own game. Such counterproductive negative behaviors include verbally attacking the difficult coworker, shunning them in both private and public, rallying the troops to alienate and gang up against them or approaching the coworker's boss to complain about them before you have raised the issue with them. Opt instead to engineer a win-win scenario for conflict resolution that leaves both of you and the organization as a whole happier, healthier and more enriched.

Don’t burn bridges

Losing your temper, saying hurtful things, making accusatory remarks at coworkers or management will not solve matters and may only come back to haunt you. Avoid burning bridges. You never know who you will have to work with at a later date on a different project or even in a different company. Keep your relationships healthy and avoid saying or doing anything you may regret.

Be generous

Stroke the difficult coworker's ego where appropriate, point out their strengths, give them recognition and credit for positive actions taken, acknowledge their successes and be kind and gracious in your sincere attempts to find common ground. Rather than dictating an outcome, allow them to have input and give them options and choices. Treat them as you would like to be treated as you address the issues of concern and your courtesy and professionalism may well turn the office nightmare into a close and lasting friend.

Document

It is a good idea with chronically difficult coworkers to document their negative words and actions. This will help you gain perspective and will give you specific and concrete examples to refer to when you confront them or if matters escalate and management gets involved.

Recognize when you need help

If despite all your good intentions flexibility and tactful discussions with the difficult coworkers about their troublesome behaviors. The negative behaviors persists, it may be time to talk to your boss. This is especially necessary if your own performance is being affected and there is no positive outcome in sight. Again, the goal is to seek a resolution so be clear about the problem and the desired solution as you approach your boss.

Recognize when you have to leave

It may be that management itself is inadvertently rewarding or positively reinforcing negative behaviors. It may also be that they are unwilling or incapable of stopping it or that the do not adequately comprehend or accept the seriousness of the situation. In these cases you may be better off seeking greener pastures elsewhere, whether it be in a different role or division within the company where you do not have to deal with the difficult coworker, or in a different company altogether. Make sure you leave on a positive and professional note and give adequate notice.

 

 

 

The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected. Hopeless. You don’t want to go back in the jungle again. You may even have that dread feeling of failure.

Suddenly, all the love songs at the radio seemed to have been written for you. You want to stay in bed. Shut all the doors and the windows. You don’t feel like talking to anybody now. You swear to yourself that you will never get involved with someone again, half believing it.

Life is much more exciting than that. Besides, you are not the last and only person experiencing a separation. And, it might not be your last breakup either. With the proper mental tools, break ups could be less painful.

Breaking up, I prefer to call it an opportunity for a change of habits. It’s like having an addiction and you need to cut yourself from it. It’s painful but necessary. The good news about it is that it doesn’t need to be Hell on Earth. There are effective ways to go through this process with smooth sailing.

First, you absolutely need to stop thinking of the great moments that you had together. Chances are that those moments happened a long time ago, not to mention, not that often either. Keep in mind the reasons of your break up, until your mind is in sync with your heart. And don’t keep in touch with that person for now, if you can. Or reduce the frequency of contacts at its bare minimum.

Write a letter

You need to let the emotions out. Write everything that frustrates you, made you angry, sad, etc– You don’t necessarily need to send it to your previous partner but at least, this is a proven healing process for you to calm the storm inside. You can choose to keep it somewhere to read for yourself later, when the healing process will be over. You might discover some strength that you are not aware about you.

Make new friends.

You need to socialize more the ever. How do you do that? Go to fairs, reading clubs, sports clubs, art clubs, etc– ask questions, make conversations, and exchange phone numbers with people to do activities and keep in touch. Offer to help with something. Friends come fast like that. Don’t jump into another relationship to avoid facing your feelings of emptiness. Chances are that there will be other disappointments. You need to finish the process of unblocking all of your emotions to freely open your heart again to someone else, and increase the chances of success.

Pamper yourself. Treat yourself.

Take naps in the Sun. Get a pedicure. A great massage. Read the bible. Read inspiring texts that will give you strength ( Like the book “Chicken soup for Soul”).

Go jogging. Do some Yoga. Listen to Jazz music. Eat well. You know what I mean; do all the activities that help put your soul to calm.

Stay away from unsupportive people

Neutralized your mind and heart from some comments of your family and friends. I am sure that they really want your good. But they maybe are a little bit –. “clumsy” in the way they express their caring for you “ When are you going the get married? You can’t go from people to people like that! You are getting old, you know?” or “ There are other people you know; 1 lost, 10 found!” (I hate that one). Hang out with people who are taking your mind off things, who understands and gives you the support that you need. I remember reading this about hardships that “ It is not only time that heals the heart, but also all the warmth and love around us.”

Get a Pet

When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I got a cat. He was so tiny and requested so much of my attention that it fulfilled my need to feel wanted. A pet doesn’t replace the love and attention that a boyfriend or girlfriend can give, but, it’s all part of the process of having a full life. So get a dog, a cat, a turtle, whatever provides that added value in your life.

Find at least 3 Passions

You will need to get all the strength that you can possibly have to open your heart to fun. Fill your life to the fullest with different passions. Take cooking lessons, take a gold lesson, try other sports, and try painting, other arts, and hobbies of some kind. Learning a new thing will keep your mind busy, you will have a new skill and will feel good about yourself and, you will be more interesting for a future mate.

Date Again.

Yes! You read right! Date again! Jump right back on the Horse again! You need to rebuild your self-esteem and being in situations where people from the opposite sex find you interesting will prevent that you go down into that whole. You don’t need to get deeply emotionally involved. Date to have fun. Keep the relationships light and simple. Where do you find those people? Go on dating sites, classifieds, friends, and acquaintances. Since you are not out to find a husband and wife yet, you won’t be threatening.

Get to the stage of feeling great being single

Take the time to Truly feel fulfilled in a single life. This is a powerful way to find true love because if you are having a great life alone, you will be willing give up your exciting single lifestyle for the person that is really worth it.

Be and Feel Successful

And if you are out for revenge the greatest revenge of all is Success. Take this opportunity to develop your personality even more. Your children, if you have, will be proud of you and people around you will admire your strength and more opportunities will occur.

If you were to consider coming back with your partner, start considering it not before 6 months to a year after the break up. This has given time to you and your partner to reflect on your mutual faults and strengths, and to heal.

Experiencing loss is a difficult moment of our life to pass. But you can take this opportunity to prove to yourself, once again, how much of a winner you are; take this opportunity to transform yourself even more. If you transform your life while you are not in a relationship, with a partner, you will collect the fruits of these initiatives.

The most important thing: laugh, laugh, and laugh. Laugh at every opportunity that life gives you. Feel good and be happy.

Wishing you great success in finding happiness again.